I didn't start this whole journey with the explicit goal to become a Shaman or a Sacred Sound Singer.
Quite the contrary in fact. For the most part of my life I didn't feel any spiritual connection at all. And singing was one of the things that evoked panic attacks when someone wished me to do so in public.
What drove me during my 30s was my urgent need to become free.
Discovering My Intuitive Being
I had been feeling trapped in my patterns of fear, depression, doubt, stress and worry for decades.
I was fed up with them. I wanted to become more ME, the person I felt somewhere hidden deep inside of me. So I started looking for ways to free myself and – step by step – I found them.
I learned to tap into my hidden anger, my sadness, my grief. I learned to release these feelings, finding more and more peace with what had happened in my life. I learned to release old limiting believe patterns and the energies that were stuck around them. I learned to let to go of the need to self-sabotage and control. And so much more...
It was during this process of release after release after release that my perception of the world profoundly changed. I suddenly realized the presence of all different kind of Spirits. I started connecting with nature on a very deep level and here again, I suddenly felt Spirits present. To my astonishment, I could even talk to them.
On The Rollercoaster
My spiritual life got high speed momentum when I started traveling.
But in a different way than I had expected. Traveling to India for the first time in February 2015 brought up all my fears about nearly everything. I walked to the beach and I was afraid of the men. I walked to the village and I was afraid of the traffic. I realized that my life was getting small again. Fear was sneaking in from all directions.
That was exactly the opposite of what I wanted to experience. On day 6 I decided to make getting-out-of-fear my first priority.
With the help of The Work by Byron Katie I worked myself through layers and layers of limiting believes, for hours, for days, and I realized how my perception of the world started shifting. I found ways to release old patterns of anxiety, and it worked, too.
After experiencing the first releases and feeling how liberating this actually was, I kept going. Soon, getting-out-of-fear was followed by getting-out-of-anger, getting-out-of-shame, getting-out-of-despair and any other getting-out-of I could think of.
The more I freed myself from sabotaging believes, behaviors and energies, the more intuitive I became.
The more I was willing to actually listen to this intuition and to make it a foundation to my actions, the stronger it got. The connection to different guides deepened. On the one hand, this was something really nice. I felt more supported, connected, protected, loved in my life.
On the other hand, all sorts of strange experiences came in, not always to my amusement. Often, I had all different kind of weird sensations in my body and I only slowly learned how to read their meaning.
I also learned that I didn't need to understand everything going on. I learned to trust my inner being to understand without my conscious interference. For a notorious wanting-to-know-it-all person this was a profound exercise in letting go.
New Rounds Of Release
As an academic trained psychologist from Germany, I had my skepticism, better said my resistance, deeply anchored in my system. I felt it rattling every time I discovered a new ability, a new guide, a new world.
One part of me was actually curious about all these new experiences – funny enough I guess the researcher in me – and joyfully opened up to them, doing lots of exciting introspection based explorations along the way. I pushed open all doors I could find and even the ones I didn't know existed.
This was the fun part.
There were others.
One part constantly commented every new experience with a never-ending flow of doubts and judgements. "This is crazy" was one of the nicer ones.
Another part was constantly freaking out: All these experiences had turned my whole inner world upside down. This was against everything I had taken for "truth" so far. It can be scary when truth isn't true anymore.
I was stressed, afraid, judgmental against myself. I didn't want to be like that, so I started new rounds of releases. Which brought in new strange experiences...
I released, I learned, I freaked, I released, I learned, I freaked.
Then I Got It
It only changed when I realized something amazing.
All the life shaking experiences that happened in this 17 months of traveling
–starting in India, releasing my stress and fear, expanding my intuitive abilities, losing my professional identity in an inner earth quake, finding my intuitive energy work, struggling with going public with my new profession and finally turning all upside down once again by discovering my Sacred Singing –
all this happened as a direct consequence OF MY SIMPLE WISH TO BE FREE.
If this deep going process of liberating myself of all different kinds of limitations guided me to a new life with all kinds of weird experiences
– from highly exciting to confusing to challenging to deeply fulfilling –
if this was what organically grew inside of me as a result of my rising inner freedom, it couldn't be a bad thing. In fact, it had to be something REALLY AMAZING.
That was when I learned to truly surrender my lovely new upside down high speed rollercoaster spiritual life.
The analytic left brain psychologist from Germany
– to her very own astonishment – turned into a Shaman and Sacred Sound Singer.
What a wonderful surprise.
Thank you, Universe, bring me more.